I'm in pain. so bad, that even the licks of my puppy can't soothe the salty tears that pour down my face.
i'm scared for the future and what is to come. as any other person would be, the fear of not knowing is reaching the end of a book with the last sentence, the golden strings of an ending severed. what does that cause for me? panic, raw panic; the thought that if i don't unravel myself from my comforter cocoon and get my ass out of bed, i won't do anything and end up scrambling for the pieces of the puzzle that don't fit and ultimately end up living in a box. but wait, that's not a rational thought, the words scream at me until my ears have just about disintegrated. it's not a rational thought because you are a good student, you have a loving family and a significant other to back you up. you are okay.
i am okay.
is it possible to feel so broken in what is the marble smoothness of calm? is it conceited for oneself to feel like a victim when all they have surrounding them is love.
is it twisted to think of a life of..wanting more than you've been given, even if you sort of screwed yourself over?
i once saw this video when i was on youtube about teen moms; the only problem was that these weren't teen moms, they were underaged moms who smoked during interviews, and were covered in hickeys.
i wasn't thinking about the poor girl who had gotten pregnant, i was rooting for the kid she was carrying.
they didn't have a choice whether they wanted to be brought in the world, and their only rebuttal is to come into the world, new, cold, and bright, screeching..in probable pain.