Peer Review by inkandstars (United States)

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Less Than the Birds

By: Aldrich


FREE WRITING

This is a special poem I made, so please let me know your thoughts!



I was rummaging around my consciousness
Trying to analyze places where
I might have misplaced a thought
The permutations of my brain pieces displayed
Visionary consultations from mankind's innate wisdom

As I transition from synapse to synapse,
I heard synopses of youth's vulnerable voices.
The spaces were getting tighter
As the Oxygen was providing me a life worth
Less than what I was taught about its worth

because at one point or another
the voices were getting softer and softer

I was seeking with both eyes closed
For I might as well be apprehended
In this fragile hold to humane service
And a compact grip to egotistic power
A soothing turbulence to the nescient ear

I noticed a gradual decrease
The decibels that turned to negatives
Introduced a signal of lamentation
The squeaking and screeching of
Whimpering terrains of mouth-cuffed sentiments

I was just in for a few moments but
The hairs on my skin stood up for themselves
As if to inform me of an escape plan
Because suffocation was an understatement
I immediately bumped my eyes back open.

I looked up into the heavens
And realized the ethos of a sympathetic ear
I heard the chirping of birds
And witnessed the playing field of devoted eyes
I saw the beauty of human nature.

But then I was reminded
Of the underserved individuals
For none shall remove the purpose of one's mouth
For no human shall be
Served less than the birds.

I made this in dedication to Princetonians and freedom of speech.

Message to Readers

Please let me know how you understood this piece. I would be happier with peer reviews! I just hope this poem transcends the issue I want to voice.


Peer Review

The first stanza was very interesting. I the verbs you used (i.e. rummaging, anyalyze, etc..) gave your piece a strong voice.


It was slightly vague, so in the future I would work on that.


Reviewer Comments

I didn't understand for the most part what you were trying to say. A few clarifications here and there would make sense. Other than that, this was really creative and cool!
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