Below, you'll see any text that was highlighted with comments from the reviewer.
Message to Readers
the actual idea i have for this is so wacky
The writing style, the way the emotions and messages you communicated here, were absolutely beautiful and I never found myself getting bored or disinterested while reading this (which is saying something because I get distracted VERY easily). It snared me in and pulled me along the whole time.
Honestly, there's not really anything I'd like to know that wouldn't be explained in other chapters. Like of course I want to know more about these characters and what all these hints and whatnot mean, but since it's only chapter one you shouldn't include all that. There's just the perfect amount of mystery here.
OK, wow. This is amazing. I'm sorry that I couldn't add a lot of critiques; this review was mostly just me marveling at your writing abilities. If you publish more parts, please let me know; I'd love to read the rest of this one day!