Peer Review by Project: Voices (Philippines)

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An Ending

By: Quille


FREE WRITING

 
         I didn’t feel anything but a lump in my throat as a pale light passed from Anson's hand to mine.
 
         His wife fought her tears no longer, kissing a corpse as the sun sank below the horizon with rosy light playing through shadows before the the mountains swallowed it.
 
         I didn’t see how it could ever rise again. 


Message to Readers

This piece is extremely important to me; more than most of my other pieces on here. I am desperately seeking feedback and will return the favor for you if you provide me with some.
It's the end to a story I've been working on for a while. I probably won't publish anymore of it for the time being.


Peer Review

The tragedy delighted me. This is a tragic ending that does not reinforce plain sadness and grief, but one that carries affection and care. The imagery of a sunset surprised me. It's beautiful. I only have one concern about the image, there were no clouds (I mean, this is pretty much a personal concern because I really love sunsets with cloud elements, they're fantastic!). The last line is certainly moving. I'm not a fan of tragedies, especially if stories were to utterly end lonely and sad. I don't enjoy hopeless endings. So, this line, for me, transcends negative energy, it vibrates low frequency, and it's just sad. It makes my heart so heavy. I know not much about you as a writer, but if you intend to write a tragic ending such as this for this particular story, the readers' negative feelings may be fueled. That's what moved me here. But, it always goes down to the writer's decision and, either way, this piece is beautiful!


The first sentence is not clear to me, but one thing's for sure, it's sad. That's what I felt. There are two things that confuse me here: 1. Anson is dead. 2. His wife is dead. Anson is dead. I got this idea from the first sentence. His wife is dead. I got this from the second one. There were two phrases that made me arrive at this idea. (1) fought her tears no longer; (2) kissing a corpse. I highlighted them for further details. Next, unless you're intent here is a tragedy, I would recommend an ending with hope and a signal of happiness. It could be hope of two things: first, the hope that ends a story. it leaves the reader feeling assured and satisfied, and just the sigh of joy. second, the hope that gives birth to part II. Either way, for me, it's beautiful. :)


Reviewer Comments

Three sentences. Wow! I am writing this as I re-evaluate what I've just read. It's THREE SENTENCES! Truly engaging, moving, and sad. :< The imagery needs just a bit more work, but I love it nonetheless! I really do. The 'bit more work' I'm pertaining to is a selfish benefit because I want moreee! Because this is sad, I want more of grief. It makes me want to get high on sadness and pain. That's also one reason why I suggest to end it with hope. :)