paperbird

United States

Message to Readers

feedback appreciated; please read footnotes!

Minerva

February 9, 2019

FREE WRITING

15
when made of stone She holds a spear
a blade held tight to an iron chest
and upon Her shoulder sits the bird
sunlight fallen onto bleak owl eyes:
a daylit wanderer born for the crescent,
muttering softly into undetecting ears;
the fruit of Minerva flies with labor
She gifts her passion only to seekers
the devoted, the wistful, may hear of the treasure:
minds built lavishly, paid by truth.
only mortals may wish to throttle
the ichor that shoots through Her veins
or to speak through the mind
that buries all secrets
but Minerva, as always, knows better than they:
we shall not carry a secret for trade
for knowledge is flame––
brilliant and blinding, faster than flight
the bearers will fall, burning corpses
icaruses
failed once more
under the hands of our Goddess.
backstory:
i decided to give in to my nerdiness and attend an event that celebrates roman history + language with my latin class in school.  there are a few different competitions, and one of them is poetry, and i really wan to win, so i'm writing a poem based around a "classical roman genre".
if you want to give feedback, please tell me––
a) is this worthwhile?
b) what words or phrases could be fixed to make this better?
thank you!

Print

See History
  • February 9, 2019 - 10:15pm (Now Viewing)

Login or Signup to provide a comment.

15 Comments
  • Johanna

    Wow... this is stunning!


    over 1 year ago
  • majestically awkward manatee

    I LOVE THIS! So beautifully written with amazing description ;)


    almost 2 years ago
  • rosemarywisdom

    https://writetheworld.com/groups/1/shared/102544/version/194360


    almost 2 years ago
  • rosemarywisdom

    I love this (thanks Anha, for making it well known!)! Great job as always, Paperbird!


    almost 2 years ago
  • engi_aek

    I love Greek and Roman mythology, and this piece is completely worthwhile, it does Minerva justice.
    late comment, oops! anyway I 100% agree with Anha, some Latin thrown in would be really cool, maybe italicized. I also think loveletterstosappho has a good idea with a few more references and allusions. however, depending on if this is spoken (?) or not, I feel like you might want to condense it too much. But it's not that long right now, it is almost perfect length.
    Haha don't have much to add except agreement because the right feedback has already been given! xx


    almost 2 years ago
  • _________

    Very awesome & worth the read :DDD Mythology is totally one of my favorite things and I love this take on it very much :DD
    I like the allusion to Icarus; one of my favorite Greek mythology characters :)


    almost 2 years ago
  • asteria

    also, yes, seriously worthwhile :)


    almost 2 years ago
  • loveletterstosappho

    this is GORGEOUS and i think that if you so desire, you could definitely throw in some more mythology references, not necessarily going into detail but similar to the way you referenced Icarus. i love this very much as a whole and am shocked it only has 2 likes (although i will admit that i avoided liking it when i first read it because i was too tired to also comment and i didn't want to just like and knew that if i liked it i would probably forget to comment later on)


    almost 2 years ago
  • asteria

    hey um i'm here for the amazing poetry, and uh i'm 100% certain i've found it. i loVE MYTHOLOGY and you mastered thisssss! i think the latin phrases is a brilliant idea and i would def take Anha up on that. never stop writing my friend :)


    almost 2 years ago
  • Anha

    YOU'RE MISSING OUT


    almost 2 years ago
  • Anha

    wAKE UP PEOPLE


    almost 2 years ago
  • Anha

    why does this oNLY HAVE ONE LIKE


    almost 2 years ago
  • paperbird

    thank you thank you thank you that's an amazing idea i'll definitely work on it


    almost 2 years ago
  • Anha

    this is stunning! pallas athene of the bright eyes is a baddass bitch if i ever heard of one. roman history is one of my favourite things to hear and read about, and you've absolutely done this dead culture duty in this piece. i loved the lines "She gifts her passion only to seekers /the devoted, the wistful, may hear of the treasure: /minds built lavishly, paid by truth." perhaps this otherworldly imagery could be improved if you added miscellaneous phrases of latin relating to the lady once every four or five lines. just to spice it up lol idk
    this is definitely getting bookmarked


    almost 2 years ago
  • EAurora

    I love this! And a really beautiful ending :)


    almost 2 years ago