Peer Review by AbigailSauble (United States)

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The Same Time

By: Alliyah


PROMPT: Tiny Love Story

I thought I couldn't live without her.
I was wrong. 
In a way.
 My heart was still beating. My body kept on living.
But in a way I was right. 
When she died, sunshine died too. 
Laughter died.
Happiness hid its face. 
It rained all day--but no one danced in the downpour. I simply watched from indoors as the sky bled grey tears onto the world. 
When she died part of me died with her. The part that she brought out. The best part. 
So I guess in a way, we died at the exact same time. 
The same time.

 

Message to Readers

Hi, everyone! Here's my second published piece--first really, unless you count my writing goals. It's sort of a sad piece...but it felt right for me so I delivered. I welcome any reviews and/or comments. Thanks! -Alliyah


Peer Review

The beautiful imagery! You could've written something much simpler, but instead you dove into how the world reacted when she died. Which endeared her to me, too. Also, the way that the beginning is almost a hiccup. As though you're still denying that she's gone, and while you live on, she doesn't, and you feel as though she should be here, too.

Sadness. But this is such a sweet piece. That you would feel all these things makes me want to cry, and helps me to understand what you're going through.

Reviewer Comments

Lovely job!! This just takes my breath away ...
Your descriptions are unique and just ... beautiful.
See? I'm speechless. ;)
Keep up the fabulous work! God bless!