Choosing what to you want to write about is a hard and difficult thing to do. You have the right emotion for what you want to do but you can’t find the right words. So you just sit there for hours looking down at your paper or your keyboard trying to bring forth what hiding inside your head, trying to grasp the words that are just out of reach. Few of us can easily grab hold of the words with ease, but if you’re like me it take time and a huge amount of motivation. It takes something to come over and push us over the edge to start writing our hearts out, I remember when I was little I wrote this small little poem about me going outside and finding a baby bird. The thing I never told anyone is that the baby bird I found was dead. Since my concept with death hadn’t really been developed yet I didn’t understand why it was laying sprawled out the ground staring at the sky with white eyes, not moving, not chirping, and all alone.
Alone, a funny word isn’t it, just by saying it I feel a pang of sadness in my heart. It’s a word every knows and can relate to. Have you ever thought you were alone in a crowd? How did it feel? Take a quick moment to think about how you felt in that situation or any situation when you were alone. I know to me it felt like I was unwanted, it felt like no one wanted me there and worst of all it made me feel I was being outcast. In the wild when a herd outcast one of their own the poor creature is killed by predators or taken away by disease.The same thing happens in our society, only the predators are bullies and the disease is depression.
The worst bully we all have is ourselves. Mainly because we know what can turn the crack in our hearts into never ending ravines. Whether we attack the way we look or the way sound we are always attacking ourselves in what we think is an effort to make us better, but in retrospect we are actually causing more damage. We allow this dark cloud of anxiety to hang over us and rain down on our own parade. We really don’t have to stand there and take it but we choose to because, hey when no one comes to sit next to you or even drop by to say a simple "hi" there must be something wrong with you, right? It’s not like your so-called “friends” would choose to cast you aside because you are weird, whoops sorry let me use the acceptable word adults use, “unique”.
A lot of us were told when we were kids to express ourselves and just do what our tiny minds desired. But now it’s like those who do desire to be themselves and to be different are forced into these little cubicles and given mind-numbingly basic step-by-step instructions that suck all of the life and determination we once had out of us. It’s a sad sight to see, to be honest. This once outgoing kid is now a depressed and slightly paranoid teen.