Peer Review by David Levitsky (United States)

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A Quick Write

By: Angela Soria


PROMPT: Flashlight

    Choosing what to you want to write about is a hard and difficult thing to do. You the right emotion for what you want to do but you can’t find the right words. So you just sit there for hours looking down at your paper or your keyboard trying to bring forth what hiding inside your head, trying to grasp the words that are just out of reach. Few of us can easily grab hold of the words with ease, but if you’re like me it take time and a huge amount of motivation. It takes something to come over and push us over the edge to start writing our hearts out, I remember when I was little I wrote this small little poem about me going outside and finding a  baby bird. The thing I never told anyone is that the baby bird I found was dead. Since my concept with death hadn’t really been developed yet I didn’t understand why it was laying sprawled out the ground staring at the sky with white eyes, not moving, not chirping, and all alone.
    Alone funny word isn’t it, just by saying it I feel as if pang of sadness in my heart. It’s a word every knows and can relate to. Have you ever thought you were alone in a crowd, how did it feel.Take a quick moment to think about how you felt in that situation or any situation when you were alone. How did that feel, cause I know to me it felt like I was unwanted, it felt like no one wanted me there, worst of all it made me feel I was being outcast. In the wild when a herd outcast one of their own the poor creature is killed by predators or taken away by disease.Same thing happens in our society only the predators are bullies and the disease is depression.
    The worst bully  we all have is ourselves. Mainly because we know what can turn the crack in our hearts into never ending ravines. Whether we attack the way we look or the way sound we are always attacking ourselves in what we think is an effort to make us better but in retrospect we are actually causing more damage. We allow this dark cloud of anxiety to hang over us and rains down on our own parade. We really don’t have to stand there and take it but we choose to because hey when no one comes to sit next to you or even drop by to say a simple hi there must be something wrong with you, right? It’s not like your so-called “friends” would choose to cast you aside because you are weird, whoops sorry let me use the acceptable word adults use, “unique”.
    A lot of us were told when we were kids to express ourselves and just do what our tiny minds desired. But now it’s like those who do desire to be themselves and to be different are usually forced into these little cubicles and given mind-numbingly basic step-by-step instructions, that suck all of the life and determination we once had out of us. It’s a sad sight to see, to be honest. This once outgoing kid is now a depressed and slightly paranoid teen.




 


Peer Review

Your style of critique is definitely fierce.


You use personal examples throughout the piece that make it seem more authentic and meaningful.


What lies at the heart of the poem is a call to overcome self-doubt. I'm left feeling disappointed in the way that society deals with self-doubt.


Reviewer Comments

You provide a fierce critique of self-doubt laced with personal examples through a natural tone. You make many compelling points and use comparison to your advantage, drawing attention to change that should be made. Going forward, editing your work for flow (using punctuation correctly) will help you to clearly send across your message. All in all, nice work, and I hope to read more of your work soon!