Cloudy

United States of America

I am a Genderfluid person that is on the autism spectrum. I normally have a very Harsh and Indifferent view of the world that may be shown in some of the prompts I write. I write when I am in pain, unfeeling, or when I have a slight view of a memory.

Message to Readers

This is something real about me that I decided to write. It's not exactly poetry just something that I would like to share with others.

3:00 change

February 3, 2019

FREE WRITING

9
Two's are perfect
They are simple
Numbers that can be split evenly move down this beautiful number
unlike threes
I particularly don't like three's
They hang down there in the rickety hated numbers just slightly above the ever hating seven
but then a change happened
It happened with a big boom and then everything came down after it

The second to last day of winter break.
It was three in the morning
I had been dropping hints to her all evening
Setting myself into a trap even as I dreaded her finding out
We were finally alone
My sister was asleep at this late late sleepover
We talked about our desires
about the silence of the robots who reside in the world
about the screaming of others inside of our heads
I still dropped hints and she told me she had gotten it
human body heat disgusts me but when she hugged me I clutched her back as if the worl depended on it
"I know who this person your crush is"
She murmured and my normally still body couldn't stop shaking
I think about it and I feel as if I was crushing her slightly as only to keep her closer to me
"You now why this can't happen"
"You know why I can't leave him"
Ah yes the guy
Whom I have yet to meet
The one who holds her heart
And yet we do not part from one another as I nod into her shoulder
Both of us longing for this comfort
We go back into her room and finally sleep
My emotions are blooming with hope

It's three in the evening
We walk in the halls
Our arms linked with one another
A few times she will pull me to the side and give me a hug
She is of the few who I have grown used to this
She is the only one who can do this while catching me off guard
She pulls me to the side in the hall as I unlink my hand from hers to wave her goodbye
I prepare myself for a hug but she simply looks at the ground
"Do you still like me?"
Her question hangs in the air for only a second as I tilt my head in question
"Why would I stop?"
"It's there for whatever you want to do with it"
A smile beams across her face and this hug is tighter than the other ones
Even as she is tied to another I have this

Three messages of goodbye
One to her
The next to a group that she is in
then as she replies with a goodnight of her own I ask her to sleep if she can

Maybe threes aren't so bad
With this girl who everything happens correlating to threes
This toxic love of mine that I give to be manipulated
This vulnerability
Maybe I could come to love threes

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  • February 3, 2019 - 5:56pm (Now Viewing)

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3 Comments
  • AminahMcBina

    <3 This was so sweet! Ditto @Johanna and The Bubbling Pen--Well done!

    -Mina


    10 months ago
  • Johanna

    I totally agree with The Bubbling Pen!! It's quite wonderful how you used a simple idea of not liking three to show how much you love her <3 <3 <3


    10 months ago
  • The Bubbling Pen

    awww what a pure and beautiful piece that really touched my heart <3 I hope you can find more within your threes :)


    10 months ago