rainandsonder

United States of America

pfp from the album “castaways and cutouts” by the decemberists.

Message to Readers

slightly melodramatic, but i'm publishing it anyway. feedback is always super appreciated! comments don't take that much time and mean a lot to me.

empty promises and the promise of emptiness

February 2, 2019

FREE WRITING

9
there are more songs to be sung
in the key of c,
but you know that
they all sound the same to me.

your eyes like chocolate wounds
on my doorstep
when the winds griped for life
and the sky was a steppe:
fingers struck yellowed keys
and it was hard to admit,
but the song stole you away
in rhythm with it.

i glued glowing stars
to the back of my eyelids,
proclaimed myself a pessimist
but still placed a bid;
the world didn't drop anchor,
and i peeled the stars away
but the cavern still shines
when i visit the bay.

there are more songs to be sung
in the key of c,
but you know that
they all sound the same to me. 

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  • February 2, 2019 - 7:43pm (Now Viewing)

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8 Comments
  • Dmoral13

    My favorite lines: "i glued glowing stars/to the back of my eyelids"
    This piece was very unique/different.
    I enjoyed the repetition at the beginning and the end. It shows how power, yet similar the start and end can be. In addition, some people misuse repetition, but I believe you did it perfectly.


    3 months ago
  • ParisInFrance

    this is absolutely wonderful!!!!


    8 months ago
  • Christy Wisdom

    Hey RainsandSonder! I'm your reviewing partner, and I've already reviewed "ripe after death" and your "3am" poem. I have two left. Anything in particular that you want reviewed?


    10 months ago
  • paperbird

    the third stanza grabbed me - i couldn't help but like. your figurative language is so. freaking. beautiful.
    i would recommend rereading this poem with a more rhythmic lens. sometimes your rhythms work, but a few are off-track, and you might want to correct them. for example, in the first and last stanzas, "but you know that" is a bit too short to be on a line by itself, and "they all sound the same to me" is a bit too long. if you edit the words for syllables you can fix it.
    great work!!


    10 months ago
  • ghostlyglory

    oh so lovely!!! "i glued glowing stars / to the back of my eyelids" is especially wonderful, i'm a sucker for any kind of star- imagery. great!!


    11 months ago
  • loveletterstosappho

    AHH THIS IS SO PRETTY I LOVE IT especially "i glued glowing stars/to the back of my eyelids,/proclaimed myself a pessimist/but still placed a bid;" w h o a


    11 months ago
  • majestically awkward manatee

    WOW! This is incredibly beautiful! "the world didn't drop anchor,
    and i peeled the stars away
    but the cavern still shines
    when i visit the bay."
    is my favorite part. It just creates a wonderful sense of imagery.
    LOVE IT <3


    11 months ago
  • rainandsonder

    By the way, this is only partly based in reality.


    11 months ago