United States of America

Well, I'm male. I laugh. I know God. But more importantly for you,
I make my own music,
I code my own games,

I write my own stories--
and that's why I'm here. I have lots to say, and this is the place to say it.

Message to Readers


I feel kinda keyboard right now.

January 30, 2019


There's a mass of pick cream stuff on my finger right now. J, H, U, Y, M, and N have this stuff on it now, too. I wonder what it tastes like? Let me lick it real quick.

Hmm. It's really sour. Kinda grainy. I kinda want to spit it out.

Hmm. A glob in the center of my keyboard. Now all my fingers are sticky! Well, I guess not my pinkies. My pinkies are dry. I wonder what it would feel like if they weren't so dry... 

Ouch! I don't like it when my fingernails scratch the inside of my nose, but at least ALL my fingers are wet now. The keys are all getting kinda greasy lol. Looks like the other liquid is kinda leaking into the keyboard. I'm glad this keyboard is still woriqwuegjbkvdsm oijewbg vodiubhaq waoroivchb weoaain uwrewgoiqp2u    h97FCHEVGY8QIPB    FRNI GHP90 28QY72TG8Y3IBEPJAJ8ER9APTG;OE'pw
[EG] AY[]pmij{'
fak rohagpu3quw89r7hy8begjrtig[[09uhfvsybhfwrlqn3g;jmqktphi[gbjoabdufebilYQP57980Q93[    OPKWAL;GTRYBHN,FJLMKB VDFYGRFkgvLCJBHK:Vegtaiju;oy'ijpgvm;d lknjcudflgtr;
f[pvokczijsdPO"{fpk[0[reai-8u407q6tq54e1drfcgvkhbjmfklv, lkmcjnvhgt;kl,;

...hmm... okay...
Wow! Look at that masterpiece! I didn't know a short-circuit could do that! Anyway, I unplugged the last keyboard and bought a new one.
Hold on! Actually, I probably better wash my hands first. I'll be back in a jiffy.

Okay. Done. I want to tell you how bad today went for me. Wait! One second, this keyboard is trash. I'm throwing it out so I can just use the last one. I'll boil the other keyboard to get all the germs out, and then I'll probably put it in the dryer to dry. Gee! These keys are just so weird and crunchy!

(insert fourth wall break here)

That took WAY too long. I think the plastic started to melt and leak into the dryer and somehow that short-circuited? So yeah while I was cooking my cereal for dinner I heard a big bang in the laundry room. Turned out that it started a fire, so I quickly opened the hatch and grabbed the keyboard, but it was too hot.

So after I thought about it for a while, I kinda gave up. Then I smelled smoke! It smelled like the cereal was burning, so I ran to the microwave and took out the cereal. To my relief, it actually turned out perfect, but while I ate it, it still smelled kinda smoky. I poured some juice in, grabbed a fork, and ate away. See, earlier this week I saw this advertisement on my phone telling me to go on a cereal cleanse, but I heard from my mom that juice was fine, too. She knows almost as much as the internet, so yeah. After I put my dishes in the washing machine, I drove around in my car trying to find K-mart, but I couldn't find it, so I came back home. I wish I could find it, but there's just a bunch of bricks where it used to be. I knew I'd have to finish this thing before it was nigh-night time, so I hurried back home. I would just have to do it without a keyboard somehow. I was almost home when the police car started chasing me. I quickly pulled over the car and got out. The police car stopped, too, so I ran to the car to meet the officer. Then I asked him if I could have his keyboard. He didn't reeeeeally understand, though. He did the same thing as last time, and he wouldn't let me use his keyboard. He gave me the ticket and I went home.

The whole thing was really fun, even though I didn't get a keyboard, and even though my house was burning down when I got home. That was kinda unfortunate. I made sure to stop, drop, and roll a couple times and went inside. It was pretty hot in there, and the flame started crawling up my pants. After a minute or to, I died. I actually got to go to heaven, so that was nice!

Actually, I didn't go to heaven. I didn't even die. My house isn't on fire anymore. And get this: I'm not even missing a keyboard. And it turns out, I'm just typing right now on my laptop. And it turns out, there was never any liquid on my keyboard, not even my finger! And it turns out, I'm not an idiot psychopath like I was before! And it turns out, I'm just at school right now. And it turns out, this is why you don't post stuff while you have writer's block, because all the ideas you will have during writers block are trash. But I don't really care, so I'll post this anyway. Have a wonderful day? Thanks for joining me?
That's not the smoke from the cereal...


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  • January 30, 2019 - 9:49am (Now Viewing)

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1 Comment
  • RachelMarie

    This is literally the best thing I have read all day. I am literally in tears laughing. No joke. :D

    11 months ago