Peer Review by Zixdude (United States)

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By: Shakesqueer


Youspeak of the sea as if she were yours.
Her paling crest, the waters of a war
For love denied fought, and well-  nigh won,
Falls to shore uncrossed; you seek
The milk of a beauty seen palest at best
Or not at all. The spaces unfilled,
Forgotten, are yet preserved; you silence them.
Birthed of noiseless crying, the sands lie asleep
In the paltry folds of sky left adream. You bestow too
Upon them your faith-bred love, impure, unyielding,
And ne’er returned. Virgin that she is,
The sea is desire avowed to traceless tears, and
She is mine, she is mine, she is mine.

Peer Review

The word choice implies that this piece is very deep. While it is confusing at times, it is fun to think about what the words could mean.

Each line seems to need an explanation. If each line was drawn out into two, for example, the reader may be able to take in the details better and not be overwhelmed.

Reviewer Comments

Overall, this piece sounds beautiful. If your aim was to mystify, you did that extremely well. This could be written to be more engaging and clear, if I were to give any criticism.