PouringOutTheSun

Ireland

“In the darkness, two shadows, reaching through the hopeless heavy dusk. Their hands meet, and light spills in a flood, like a hundred golden urns pouring out the sun.” -Madeline Miller, “The Song Of Achilles.”

Message to Readers

Okay, so basically this is just a little thing I had in my brain for my current project I’m working on. I’ve always tried hard in my writing to try and make the reader see what I’m seeing in my head. It would be great if you could tell me the feel you guys got from this.

Softness

January 27, 2019

FREE WRITING

4
“We deserve something soft Neiryn. A soft ending. Don’t you think?”

His accent is thick right now. Hitting all his words and I can see he’s feeling an awful lot more than he usually allows himself to. His knees are pulled up to his chest and he looks small and tired. His eyes dart around the room because sometimes reflexes are the only thing keeping us alive. He lifts his head to rest it on his knees.

“We’ve had a lot of hardness, haven’t we? Gritty lines and sharp corners. I wish someone would smoothen things out for once.” He lifts a hand that was previously clutched around his shins and flexes his fingers, staring at them. “Somewhere where we’re allowed to cry for a bit would be nice. Let’s make sure the next ones are allowed to cry.”

“Let’s not have to have them smother down the healthy things. Let’s make sure the world gives them slight touches when it can because god knows the next shadow to punch me I’ll fall apart.”

“Let them be okay.”

His voice cracks with his desperation, and it’s thinner when he tilts his head back.

“Please god let them be okay.”

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  • January 27, 2019 - 4:19pm (Now Viewing)

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2 Comments
  • Anha

    this piece is beautifully expressive, i find myself interested in the character as i read, rather than how i'd usually be annoyed by this kind of moping from any other protagonist. neiryn is a beautiful name, and i can't wait to see more where this came from! feel free to comment on one of my pieces when you have a continuation to this gripping excerpt.


    about 1 year ago
  • LittleWolf

    Desperation, mixed with hope that there is a hint of goodness left in this world for everyone. He is dying (?) but he still holds out hope and even though I barely know the character, I find myself rooting for him and hoping that he will push through. You have beautiful writing.


    about 1 year ago