Peer Review by PouringOutTheSun (Ireland)()

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A Broken Piece

By: lunawolf


FREE WRITING

Why do you keep breaking her? 
When you very well know about her 
broken state, broken heart, a broken life.

Why can't she have a happy life?
Where she goes having a normal life?
With the light of her life.

She could be happy.
But why isn't she?
It's because of that one thing they call pain.

They say time heals wounds. But why hasn't it yet?
Why are her scars fresh?
As fresh as yesterdays.



Written on : 2nd October, 2018.
Published on : 25th January, 2019

 

Hey guys! Just a new person out on sites trying to explore the things what they can offer! 
Peace out, humans! Keep smiling!

Message to Readers

Hey guys! I am not a publisher level writer and I would love if I could get constructive criticism, encouragement and no hate. Thank you for taking out time to read this stuff! Keep smiling!


Peer Review

I really liked that this piece is short and seeet and to the point. I don’t have to guess at what you’re trying to say, I can just understand an enjoy the poem.


My one gripe I have with this is is your rhythm. You could have had a lovely, put together and smooth flowing poem if you kept with the format of the second stanza. What I mean is that you could have had two questions and an answer to make the poem look neater and read smoother. At the moment it is somewhat choppy, although if some of the kinks were worked out in this choppy feel you could have a rugged poem with a unique mood and tone which would be as equally as exciting.


Reviewer Comments

I really love your last line. It’s hard hitting way to finish a poem of this topic and really sounds like the type of sentence that could only be used for this specific poem. Overall, I like your message but your deliverance could use a tiny bit of work that I am very sure you’d be able to do with hindsight at your side.