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Hannah Schabilion

United States

Message to Readers

Any feed back is welcome. This is my first time publishing to this site.

Blue & I

February 16, 2016

December 4th
Dear Diary,
Today my parents fought about me again. They don’t know what to do about me. Mom tells me not to worry, but I can’t help but feel that I’m the reason they fight so much. It’s okay though, Blue came by to comfort me. He always makes me feel better.

February 21st
Dear Diary,
I was made fun of at school today. My class was supposed to do a presentation during personal health, but when it was my turn I couldn’t get the words out. People were yelling at me to talk louder. I tried. I really did. I ran to the bathroom to cry a soon as I could. Blue knew I was coming, he always knows. It’s nice to have friends in dark places.

May 6
Dear Diary,
My parents are beginning to scare me. They say they want to help me, but they can’t if I won’t talk to them. What do they mean by that? I am fine. I don’t need anyone else except Blue.

August 28
Dear Diary,
My senior year has started, and I met someone today. They are new to the school, and I was told to show him around. He is strange, but I like him. Even though he is different than me, he told me that he wanted to be friends. His name is Jeff. Blue does not like Jeff.

January 14
Dear Diary,
Jeff wanted to hang out today, but Blue wouldn’t let me. He locked me in the bathroom, and told me that he was the only friend I would ever have. Blue screamed things at me like “you’re not good enough to be someone else’s friend”. He made me cry. So he gave me some pills and said “This will take the pain away”. I took them, and I do feel better. Very tired, but better. It’ll be over soon Blue says.

March 10
Dear Diary,
Jeff broke into my house the day I took those pills, and found me passed out on the floor with my diary. He called 911. When I woke up, Jeff was the first thing I saw. He asked me why I took the pills, and I told him that Blue said it would make the pain stop. Jeff said that blue wasn’t my friend, he only wanted to hurt me. I don't think that’s true. Blue has always been there for me when no one else was. But when I looked around, Blue was nowhere to be seen. When I was able to go home I found Blue sitting on my bed. He acted as though I hadn’t been gone at all. Blue didn’t miss me. I realized I needed him more than he needed me. I thought Blue was my friend.

June 6
Dear Diary,
Jeff and I graduated today. I wouldn’t have made it without him. He makes me so happy. We will always be best friends. Jeff promised we would. I noticed that Blue was dimmer than he once was. I don’t see him as much.

July 4
Dear Diary,
Jeff took me to a fireworks show tonight. I love fireworks. They are so bright, and loud. Just like Jeff. I think I like-like Jeff. When we were watching the show, he started holding my hand. It felt good. He makes me nervous, like I want to throw up, but in a good way? I have never felt anything like this before. I won’t say anything though, I don’t want to lose Jeff.

September 13
Dear Diary,
Blue is angry. Jeff told me that he loved me today. I think I love him too, but Blue says I don’t deserve to be loved. I am unlovable. Blue is threatening to leave. He is going to leave me all alone. Why would Blue do that to me? I don’t want to be alone.

November 7
Dear Diary,
BLUE IS NOT MY FRIEND! I don’t need him anymore. All he does is control me. He tries to push Jeff away from me. I don’t want to push him away. Jeff told me that I am strong enough to be without Blue, and he promised that he wasn’t going to leave no matter how much I pushed him away. I am scared, but I know I won’t be alone. Jeff will help me. He wants me to be happy.

February 10
Dear Diary,
Blue is finally gone, and I am free. I learned to let him go. He can no longer hold me back from enjoying life. I over came him, and it’s all thank to Jeff. My best friend. I wouldn’t be here today without him. He saved my life the day I overdosed. I owe Jeff my life.

May 1
Dear Diary,
We’re together now. Jeff and I have our own apartment. He takes care of me, and I take care of him. It makes me happy to know that he needs me as much as I need him. He is why I will never be alone.

Dear Diary,
So much has happened since I last wrote in this diary. I married the man of my dreams, my best friend, Jeff. Everyday he makes me smile, laugh, and love life. Jeff loved me at a point of my life when I was the hardest kind of person to love. I wouldn’t be the happy person I am today without him. He is what kept me going to overcome my severe depression. Jeff saved my life, got me the help I needed, and supported me through it all. I don’t see Blue anymore, and hope I never will again. I used to think that my own depressed conscious (Blue) was the only thing that understood me. But I’m alive to say that although depression may seem like a friend, it won't give you love. I’m so grateful that I was shown what a true friend was before it was too late. Thank you for everything Jeff.

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