Peer Review by paperbird (United States)

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The Right to Life

By: Christy Wisdom


FREE WRITING

Please. Stop associating abortion with women's rights. This is not like those times when the right to vote was at stake. This is an intense fight for life as we know it. Whether or not you believe me, and whether or not you care, it is. And out there, in our world, children are dying, do you hear their screams? Out there, we are letting the unborn die, and this is wrong. Why are we allowing this? 

Do you want to talk about supporting women's rights? Sure.
I support the rights of the unborn women, the rights that are being taken away. Think of all of them, the ones that have been deprived. "Women's rights". Think about it. What about the women who would've been our future, and are dead and gone now? The ones that were killed. Just because they are "bundles of cells", "can't live without the mother", "not human". I'm a bundle of cells. You are a bundle of cells. We would never have lived without our mothers, we need people to care for us. Does that make us not human? Does a couple weeks inside the womb make the difference between humanity and "not human"?  I don't think so. 

This is not an attack on anyone who supports abortion. I do not mean to offend. What I mean to do is inform. Babies are dying, whether you call them that or not. When a person is pregnant, you don't say "Congratulations on your fetus!" They say baby. Get it? Baby. Not "Bundle of cells" not "fetus". Baby. This is important. 

It is said that we should fight for the innocent. The helpless. Those who can't speak, we are meant to defend them. Is this what you believe? Fight for the unborn, fight for the men and women of the generations to come. Fight for the right to life.


Peer Review

the entire piece was passionate, compelling, and moving. i particularly liked the lines you chose to bold, such as "this is an intense fight for life as we know it" and "fight for the unborn, fight for the men and women of generations to come". i really love those sentences, particularly their simplicity. you didn't ramble on about how we should fight against abortion; you cut right to it and portrayed a powerful message. and i think the same is true for the entire piece--swift & powerful, with just enough bolding and font changes to keep the audience interested. great job!!


as far as expansion, i quite like the short and empowering nature of the piece, so i wouldn't add any extra paragraphs or anything. for editing, i would recommend revisiting paragraph 2. as stated in the highlighted section, that was the one part of this piece that i really didn't understand. i think you can say the same message in a more concise and clear manner, as you do with the rest of the piece. the flow doesn't make sense, either--you begin by saying that no women would exist in the first place if the principles of being pro-life weren't a fundamental rule, and then you end up talking about the difference between being inside and outside the womb. make sure you're sticking to your topic, so that you can use best portrayal.


Reviewer Comments

i understand this review might be kind of controversial, because i'm literally offering tips for an argument that i am opposed to. but i think that this is a really strong piece of writing, and i wanted to help you so that you can improve your debating skills even more. you have a wonderful gift here; you should continue to utilize it for the matters that you think are right. thank you for this passionate piece; i look forward to reading more of your work in future.