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Dear Patricia -a letter to let you go

January 23, 2019


I am gonna call you Patricia. Patricia, I wish you the best life. I am sorry.  I am sorry. I am genuinely sorry. I am sorry that I said hi that day. I am sorry that you smiled me back. I am sorry that I said you were the prettiest out there. I am sorry that you loved my crazy ideas and the way I see the world. I am sorry that I said I cared about you and told you my lifestory. I am so sorry that I listened to yours and said that I was sorry to hear and wished bad things to go away. I am so sorry that I was not what you want from life. I am sorry I forgot about you when you needed me. I am sorry that I was busy when you wanted me. I am sorry that I gave you hope. I am sorry that you gave me hope.

Life never turns out in the way we want. I see that now. I always thought that I see that but right now while I write these words, I feel it in my bones and across my body. I can hear it in my ears, life always turns out in the way it wants to, not how you wanted.

And you- gosh you did not turned out how I imagined you would turn out. I guess I didn't see how a small heart can be filled with hatred when yours was all about love. I don't know if it was because of me, or you, or some varieties we cannot even control. I know one thing; I am a fool and I will stay as one if I just go out there and spread unconditional love everywhere. 

I want you to be happy. I want you to find whatever you want in life. I know that life is never gonna be fair to the people like us, different and only wants happiness but I hope it won't make you moodier than you already are. I loved you. I cared about you. I needed you. But now, they all changed. I don't think I love you anymore. I don't think I care that much anymore. Maybe that is on me. I don't need you. 

Patricia, I set you free in my mind. I am sure that you won't read this or when you read it you won't know it is about you but I just don't want your ghost haunting me in the night, wondering about where I went wrong. 

My very close friend once said that relationships are two sided. It takes time, emotions, patience from both sides and both sides has responsibilities. Patricia, now, I know that it was not just my fault, it was both of ours. Hope you understand that I didn't forget about you. I just simply moved on. I don't think I can care about what you or I did wrong in life, on our or other relationships anymore. I am so sorry that I was ever in your life but I hope you understand that my intentions were not bad. I just wanted you as a friend. It didnt work out. And I am sorry for that. 

From the person who loved you once. Who listened, helped, cared and showed it to you. Sincerely, goodbye. Goodbye forever, Patricia.


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  • January 23, 2019 - 10:02am (Now Viewing)

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