Peer Review by Phoebe L (United States)

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Mine

By: Bailee


PROMPT: Countdown

Anger bottled up inside of me like hot, sticky sulfur. I wanted to just rip his head into pieces. At the same time as never letting go. I vigorously scribbled notes in my books. None of them made any sense. I was  furious with him. But I love him. He's my world. My oxygen. Mine. 



Message to Readers

Hey, I would love to hear feedback about maybe any errors and anything you suggest to improve this. Thanks :D


Peer Review

The mood to me is passionate anger, like a "I can't live with or without you" kind of thing.


I think it's impressive that you were able to stick to a clear theme with the strict rules in this prompt. I don't know if you did this on purpose, but using the words sulfur, oxygen and bottled was like a mini-theme of chemistry or science which I thought was pretty cool.


It seems like it would be really hard to keep momentum with increasingly shorter sentences, but you kept it interesting the whole way through, so kudos to you


Reviewer Comments

This may sound strange but to me this story reminds me of burnt red and white. The word anger has always reminded me of burnt red.