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A History of Everything, Including You

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In her short story "A History of Everything, Including You," Jenny Hollowell covers an immense amount of time (approximately 4.2 billion years) in just over a page. At once specific and unadorned, Hollowell's story threads together scientific, historical, and personal details.

Here's the first paragraph:
First there was god, or gods, or nothing. Then synthesis, space, the expansion, explosions, implosions, particles, objects, combustion, and fusion. Out of the chaos came order, stars were born and shown and died. Planets rolled across their galaxies on invisible ellipses and the elements combined and became.

And a few lines from the middle:
We got married, we had some children, they cried, and crawled, and grew. One dissected flowers, sometimes eating the petals. Another liked to chase squirrels. We fought wars over money, and honor, and women.

You have no small task before you, dear writers:
Write a first-person story in which you cover time à la Hollowell. You may start at the beginning of Earth, or narrow in on a particular era in early cosmo history.

If you are in search of further inspiration, read these phenomenal pieces by Community Ambassadors Avril, barelybear, and ScarlettLucian!